Tale of the Tardy Tooth Fairy

tooth-fairy-clip-art-1At this moment, the Princess is in the tooth-losing phase of life. If I’m honest, I have to say that I find this part of childhood thoroughly disgusting. The whole process of loosened teeth being wiggled back and forth by dirty fingers until they fall out is enough to make me gag a little if I think about it too long. I am fully aware that this has to occur to make way for permanent teeth and the unavoidable thousands of dollars that will need to be spent on orthodontia, but I really wish it would happen outside of my presence and without the need for my participation.

Loose teeth lead to lost teeth which lead to tooth fairy visits.

Who is the sadistic maniac that came up with this ridiculous tradition? I mean, what makes someone sit down and think of this idea – kid loses a tooth, hides it under her pillow, parent sneaks in under cover of darkness, removes blood-encrusted, body-rejected piece of enamel thing, and replaces with money???

How is this even a thing? And what is the parent expected to do with this tooth?  Do I have to keep it? For how long?  Where? I’m as sentimental as the next mom (well not really, I wouldn’t keep most things if I could avoid the guilt I feel when I throw things created by A away) but I have no box, drawer, bag, etc. that is appropriate to house lost teeth for however long one is supposed to keep them.  Listen, I can get on board with Santa Claus and even play along with the Easter Bunny – but this tooth fairy thing – it is all just too much.

So you know where all this is headed, right?  Arden lost another tooth last night.

Image may contain: 1 personI actually hadn’t realized it was as loose at it was, and it popped out in very short order (as opposed to the last one which took nearly a MONTH of wiggling and hanging by a toothy thread to finally exit her mouth). I was cooking dinner and she came running in squealing and holding out this bloody extraction; expecting me to be as excited and joyous as her toothless self.  I think I faked it pretty OK.

I put the tooth in a baggie and she hid it under her pillow for the tooth fairy’s late night retrieval. Unfortunately the tooth fairy turned off her alarm the previous morning when it went off at 6 a.m. and neglected to reset it. Arden has an alarm clock that on ANY other morning, she ignores – burying her head as far under her blankets and pillows as possible. Honestly, the getting out of bed process requires many moments of negotiations, pleadings and finally threats to get her sleepy self UP!  But not today – today her alarm went off and she was up immediately, checking under her pillow for the tooth fairy’s reward (which of course was NOT there because the tooth fairy – aka ME – was still blissfully asleep in her own bed).

I awoke with a start as a crying 7 year old stood in my bedroom door holding up the baggie with the tooth still inside. “The tooth fairy didn’t come!!!”  Cry, cry, cry.  Truly not the way anyone desires to be awoken.  And now we enter crisis mode.  Thankfully I am married to a man of calm in the midst of a storm – and apparently as talented as myself in the art of child deception.  I will probably need to examine that little nugget at another time.

We were successful in navigating this near tragedy, but only JUST successful.

Three things saved us from being “found out” as tooth fairy impostors and thereby being labeled – THE WORST PARENTS IN THE WORLD:

  1. Daylight savings time is approaching. What the what?  We are about to Fall backwards for daylight savings time, which means, the mornings are darker than they are in the summer.  Soooooo – when the alarm goes off at 6:15 a.m., outside it LOOKS like it is closer to 1 a.m. This fact aided us this morning, when Terry somehow convinced Arden it was not time to get up; took her back to bed; tucked her in and convinced her the tooth fairy was coming but it was still night time. (Recall earlier how I said her alarm clock had gone off?  Yeah, she didn’t make the connection – see saving grace #3)
  2. Accidental planning. I’m a planner and apparently that skill is on muscle memory for me, because last night before going to bed, I thought – hey, I will put the money in another plastic baggie, so I can grab the tooth one and replace it with the money one and Arden will think the fairy somehow was able to open the bag, take OUT the tooth and replace it with money all without waking her up. Genius! See the lengths I am willing to go in order to perpetuate this ridiculous lie!?!?  Having the money in a baggie already even with the morning’s mishaps, allowed Terry to trade the bags while Arden was still mostly awake.  He told her he would lay down with her for a bit to get “the rest of the night’s sleep” and while they were “sleeping” he quickly switched the bags.  See the lengths HE is willing to go in order to perpetuate this ridiculous lie!?!?
  3. My child is gullible. I am not sure how long we can hang our hats on this fact, but the kid is a bit gullible. She doesn’t speak sarcasm nor is she able to take anything as other than face value.  I’m sure these blinders will fall from her eyes sooner rather than later, but for today, I am thrilled that she was fooled by the darkness, baggie and “finish sleeping” trick. I’m sure every mother thinks their child is brilliant, but let’s be honest, that brilliance needs time to develop and I’m totally OK with it taking a little longer to click today – bless her heart!

So crisis averted.  We successfully deceived our child.  Is this something we should be celebrating?  How many teeth does a kid have? How long does this go on?  Help me!

See ya soon!

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Mommy, Historian, Wannabe Writer.

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